WE CAN DO IT!

 When I say “we”, I am of course talking about ME.

23 treatments down, and only (yes….. ONLY) 10 to go. (That’s unless they hit me with a couple more that haven’t as yet been put up on the system……..)

A couple of days ago, I asked the doctor if the last two weeks of the “zapping” speciality radiation had been sorted - and she was surprised that I hadn’t been given the appointments. I trotted off to the desk where the lovely receptionist (Debra) greeted me……. ( I always remember her because she was starting at the Marsden on the day I first turned up for my brachytherapy appointment in early 2019 - she was terribly nervous (as was I) , and we had a lot of “…..please bear with me, it’s my first day”….. You wouldn’t recognise that anxious little lady now when you see her confidently marshalling patients (and doctors and radiographers) all over the department, reassuring smiles abounding……)

I shall interject here…. I was determined when I started this gig that I was going to confidently announce my hospital number like an American GI : “SEVEN ONE DOUBLE SIX THREE EIGHT!!!” when I turned up at reception (as I had respectfully noticed other hardened troopers doing) - but Debra, in all her efficiency, forestalls me every time…. “I’ve ticked you off Madeleine… please take a seat”. Go on Debra, steal my thunder. 

Anyway - I went to check - and yes - all treatments had been planned and put on to the system - TWO LESS than I had anticipated…… be thankful for small mercies, eh? There was a bit of a mission printing off the appointments at the desk - I just asked them to tell me when they were and I’d make a note - but no….. we SHALL print the list for you! (20 minutes later………and many comings in and out of the system…. - I remember the vagaries of getting a printer to recognise a computer too - good old NHS hardware. 😓


So now the end is in sight. ALL THINGS SHALL PASS INDEED! Here’s a few things I’ve enriched my life with…….. 

  • Isn’t it remarkable how once something becomes ‘known’ and familiar to you - it becomes the norm. 
  • I realise now that I know the geographical route to the Marsden really well - could walk it easily without the need of google maps.
  • I also now recognise bus etiquette (which i certainly didn’t before) - ALWAYS LEAVE SPACE FOR A PUSHCHAIR OR WHEELCHAIR.
  • I must look like a real old lady because I often get offered a seat on the train.
  • If you need a nap, have a nap.
  • There are more important things in life than all the petty stuff I agonised over for decades.
  • If you think you might poo yourself on the journey, don’t eat before you set off………


So - I’m on the downward stretch to the finish line. I think I’m different these days. I’ve lost almost a stone (TRUMPET FANFARE) but I wouldn’t recommend the diet. I feel somewhat diminished - not smaller in size (although the scales tell me, as I said) but just not so significant……. Very difficult to articulate….. I don’t really understand what I’m trying to say. I guess that the world has become so inwardly focussed for me due to the relentlessness of the appointments, that I have not managed to think about anything other than the circumstances surrounding me, myself, I……… 

I’m doing fine actually - the galloping trots have eased off. I am taking care not to run or jiggle myself around too much, as I feel very tender on the inside. I only eat a meal rm a side plate. I was trying to explain how I felt to a lovely young radiographer (who is about 12) and could only manage “I feel as if I’m about 42 weeks pregnant….and have to support my belly…. And you know that ovulation pain you get? I get that now” . She was quite startled, and clearly didn’t comprehend at all what I was trying to explain. She also was a bit surprised when I pointed out that my analogy was scientifically inaccurate as I no longer have either a uterus, or any ovaries! Hey ho……….. 

I must also mention before I sign off today, that I sat on the tram yesterday, and was highly entertained by the philosophical debate going on around me between 4 young black schoolboys. These boys were wonderfully articulate, verbose and erudite. They challenged one another and pointed out the merits and flaws in each other’s statements. It made me smile, and feel glad that they have a teacher who’s setting them on the right path in life……. I did ask them which school they went to - and congratulated them on their debating skills! (And it was a regular comprehensive….not a private institution……heartwarming)

And on that note - I must also add that my oldest son Josh has come to stay for a few days, and it was so nice to be standing in my kitchen cooking supper, and listening to him chatting in the garden to Ned (who had called in to collect : ribbon, four different colours of fabric, an extension lead, and an ice bucket…oh the vagaries of that boy’s mind….. that’s Ned for you). 

I was able to smile and think - yup - `I’ve got some nice young men too.All you MOBS (Mothers of Boys)  out there - there is hope!


PS 

Enormous thanks to all friends and family and surrogate daughters who have wished me well - sent flowers, and a wee little bracelet and told me that they’re thinking of me…….. particularly the two Hayleys! (Yes….there are two of you!)

There’s also everyone in my Immunotherapy Support UK group on Facebook - these unknown and unmet individuals have become very precious to me - especially my administrator Gavin (who I have actually met), who has today gone under the surgeon’s knife, for removal of a secondary melanoma………  safe healing, Gavin. Be strong. 

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