"Over the Top"

Today was the day that I had to go to the Marsden for the first of my four brachytherapy sessions.

I was feeling truly anxious about this. Much more so than before my date with the robot....... 

All the research I have done has led me to worry that the side effects can be truly horrid - and I was feeling quite anxious, and that now, six weeks after my hysterectomy, I'm feeling physically almost back to normal (apart from slightly larger), I was agreeing to a session of being fried on the inside - with the consequences perhaps being long term. Appointment was at 3 pm this afternoon, with the request to get there half an hour early. 

I went for a dog walk with my colleague Susan (and Tilly the Sprocker) in the morning, in an effort to keep busy. We had a lovely walk and I also bumped into my old friend (and previous Boss) Phil (and Rolo the Ruffian, his chocolate labrador) - Phil was the headteacher at the school in Brixton where I was the music teacher for 13 years, through the eighties and into the nineties........I introduced him to Susan, and we laughed that although he had been my 'boss', there wasn't really ever any attempt at maintaining a hierarchy in our staffroom - fabulous memories of a happy (and naughty) staffroom.

I had been so concerned about possible side effects that Peter was planning to drive to Chelsea to collect me after the treatment - my anxiety had manifest itself in nightmare scenarios of explosions of diarrhoea on the District line.........I might add that he was quite concerned about this possible consequence in his car - and did suggest he take my car...... I travelled up to the Marsden on my own - breathing deeply, and trying to focus on wellbeing and calmness - the viburnum growing in Onslow Square scented the air beautifully, and did help me to maintain my calm exterior......

When I got to the Marsden, I was early, and was told the girls would come and collect me soon. I tried to keep calm, and drank loads of water... As always, when waiting at this amazing hospital, I am constantly astonished when I glance around and see the faces of the other people waiting..... all these people have been affected by cancer. It is encouraging to see that most of these individuals appear to look completely normal - not appearing sick - as I hope I do too! 

They did come to collect me - two lovely radiographers called Caroline and Ramona - jovial and friendly, and they tried to put me at my ease - especially when I confessed to feeling pretty anxious. Today, I had used my compression tights for the first time (prescribed by the lymphoedema nurse), and they actually felt great to wear - however, a complete mission to remove! I had had the presence of mind to wear a dress, and modesty was achieved, because basically, I was asked to remove my undergarments from the waist down.......

To cut a longish story short - Caroline reassured me that I wouldn't have explosive diarrhoea - and that I would be fine to travel backwards and forwards on public transport.... we discussed how gentlemen with prostate cancer have their treatment (through long needles inserted into the perineum - which made me feel MUCH better) and then we went ahead. I'm not going to go into too much detail - there may be some tender ears reading this...... but it was around five minutes of blasting, during which time I counted the holes in the ceiling tiles above my head (the ones that surround the lovely blue sky centre, complete with butterfly). By the time I'd established that there were around 1,356 holes in the tiles on the ceiling, it was over - a few bleeps.... and it was all done. Slight discomfort at the beginning, but utterly painless after that.

The biggest hassle was getting my compression tights back on..... but once dressed again, I was off and on my way home - not needing Peter - and confidently striding off to the District line at South Ken.

Home by just after 4 pm......... Great. I can do this! Three more sessions, and a CT scan tomorrow evening - and hopefully, my brush with cancer just might be done.........

Thank you to all those lovely people who've messaged me - I know you knew I was feeling very nervous - I had described my anxiety to a few friends as likened to the feeling that I was a WW1 squaddie,  in the trenches, waiting for his superior officer to blow his whistle and send me over the top..........