A wonderfully boring life - pale winter blues
It’s a new year…… 2024…. The year that I shall celebrate my 68th birthday.
This is scary. How can I possibly be two years off SEVENTY? (I shall leave that question hanging there for a moment, all on its own….. just for effect)
Tempus fugit - my father used to like to say on a regular basis. I think my grandfather favoured this Latin two word expression as well. I understood what it meant for as long as I can remember - many years before I actually studied Latin (which I loved - and yes….. I do think it’s a fabulous subject for children to learn - especially reading Asterix books in Latin - which is how Ned started)
I heard Rod Stewart quoting a saying once during an interview: “Life is like a toilet roll - the nearer you get to the end, the faster it goes”. This is a lot more words than the simple Latin adage, but I love it - it’s so bloody true! I’m trying really hard to cram a lot of stuff into my days - but have also become a master (mistress?) of procrastination too…… I have all sorts of good intentions at the start of each day, but often they don’t become realised by the time I go to bed! Oh the joy of being retired! But it’s also a curse, because one can simply say “Oh. I’ll think about that tomorrow.” But TOMORROW NEVER COMES - isn’t that what is also quoted?
I have reached the stage of life when I look at my calendar (on my phone) and check what I have coming up. And i am relieved when the days stretch ahead emptily! More time to procrastinate and put off the chores! I always wake up early - but I luxuriate in the fact that I don’t have to get up! Peter sets off to his workshop miles away in the depths of Surrey farmland at the crack of dawn, in his eternal battle to beat the traffic, and Mini and I settle back in to bed to relish the warm glow of retirement. (For those non dog lovers amongst you, I hasten to explain that Minstrel the Sprocker is NOT allowed on the beds - she settles down in to her own bed - in my bedroom. )
And it is Mini’s birthday today! She is a whole three years old! Three years of walking twice a day, whatever the weather, because I am a spaniel servant (I obviously avoid the noun ‘owner’ - my children will explain to anyone who listens, that I am her slave)
Here comes a brief description of a typical day in the life of a retired teacher/midwife who was born in the middle of the 20th century (this is important - because fundamentally, we Baby Boomers have been ingrained with a sense of guilt if we start to show signs of laziness)
6 am :
wake up - glance at clock - look at window - check the amount of daylight visible - shit! Still pitch dark - ah - who cares? Not me……..I don’t have to go to work any more - aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh - bid farewell to Peter, who will at this point be telling me that the traffic becomes f***ing impossible after 6.15am…… mutter some conciliatory noises and wish him luck, usually after suggesting that he might like to make me a cup of tea, perhaps????? Accept that he doesn’t POSSIBLY HAVE TIME - and wait for him to clatter downstairs. I then consider whether or not I really need a cup of tea - I usually decide that I do, and so creak out of my deliciously warm nest (and on a very cold day, switch the electric blanket on - tee hee) and venture down the two flights of stairs to the kitchen. Once there, I consider whether (or not) I should stay up and begin my day, but invariably, I decide that any domestic chores, eg ironing, can wait until later……….and I take my cup of tea back to bed. I haven’t mentioned that Mini will have also come with me, and will have roared into the garden to warn off any intruders that might be lurking in our very small city garden. She has, on occasion, startled a fox, or Princess (my neighbour’s large, and very brave, tabby cat)
6.30-8.50 am :
Lurk in bed (toasty warm thanks to the electric blanket) with slowly cooling cup of tea and play ridiculous time wasting games on phone. I have a routine order: Wordle followed by Worldle followed by Nerdle and finishing up with Connections (the latter being a sneaky, very American, version of the Wall in Only Connect - fiendishly difficult, mainly because of the American philosophy of connecting stuff, often involving American Football terminology or randomly named foodstuffs……..) I then share my success (or failure) with friends and relatives who also succumb to these brain tingling puzzles………
8.50 am -
glance at clock - oh shit - for real! I must get up! Leap out of bed - and for the first time in the day feel guilt about the time wasting. I quickly get washed and dressed (I’m not going to dwell on the time taken for my ablutions - I’m not a dirty person) and we head downstairs for our dog walk - in the mornings we just visit our local park. I walk with other dog servants, who vary day by day, and collectively we have a pack of hounds, namely Rufus (Lord of the Manor), Beebee, Myrtle, Moonlight (aka Bubli) and Rudi, Hugo, Vince, Jessie, Calamity, Ted, Oscar, Finn, Pitch and any other known varieties that we come across on our hour’s perambulation……. I had intended to do some yoga before i got out of bed, and some stretching exercises, and put the clothes away that have been washed and ironed but haven’t yet made it into the cupboards and drawers…… but oh well…. Tomorrow is another day …..but `TOMORROW NEVER COMES!’
10.10 am (ish)
return home - give Mini breakfast - Kibble - no thanks… she turns and walks out of kitchen - so add tasty morsels to entice her back, leftover sausage, ham, pâté, scrambled egg, mackerel fillet, sardine, pilchard (wait! same thing!) or whatever else I can rustle up to tempt her delicate palate. She decides to eat her breakfast, dependent upon whether or not she’s scavenged any food from the park - kebabs being a favourite but an entire rotten fox carcass a couple of years ago - and whether or not she’s had a busy play with her chums, or a stroll with the slaves…….. Give me breakfast - large cup of tea (if I haven’t already had one earlier) or medium cup of tea (if I have), and two slices of toast and marmite. I have eaten this breakfast for most of my almost 68 years. I cannot imagine having anything else. And If a medical person told me that it was bad for me and I mustn’t eat it any more - I would head for the gas oven. (Don’t have one any more - shall need to become inventive……….)
10.20 - 11 am:
Linger over breakfast and tea - do yesterday’s Codeword in The Times which Peter buys every day, at vast expense. Most days, there are two code words, but there is also a Ken Ken and a deadly sudoku (I do the easy or moderate version, as with nerdle, maths is not my thing - i like WORDS) and sometimes the crossword, if I’m in the mood.
This period of time is my major procrastination of the day - I can feel the guilt growing- despite my concentration on the puzzles. And I know that I really MUST address the cores that I put off yesterday (and the day before - and the day before that)…….
11 am -
deep sigh. Empty dishwasher - general tidy around the kitchen - stare at floor (which I know is filthy but hides it well)….. and consider my options.
Vacuum house? Hmmmmmm.not that bad……
clean toilet and bathroom floors” Who will notice?
Tidy up craft room? Don’t have that much energy today…..
Laundry? Most days I’ll put something in the washing machine- the sorting of colours adds to one’s excitement and agitation……. I get quite disturbed if a white sock sneaks into a coloured wash. But not as horrified as when a coloured cheap garment sneaks into the whites!!!!
Ironing? Big pile sitting on kitchen floor in laundry basket - ok - I’ll make a start on that…. Perhaps.
Continue with sewing project? It’s become complicated - and I recognise that I only really enjoy it when It’s going well, and it’s easy - so all those friends of mine who suggest I enter the Great British Sewing Bee can think again….. couldn’t cope with the stress!
Knitting? NO! Only do knitting when there is major physiological insult to body, or during the evening when watching something mindless on the TV (or even something gripping - but that can lead to mistakes following the pattern)
Gardening? Wrong time of year - that idea is quashed immediately…..
Continue with house renovation ? We’ve only been doing this for 32 years - so another few days delay wont go amiss………
You get my drift. I am programmed to be busy - but only busy in the way I want to be. I never do nothing - I’m always engaging my brain, and usually my fingers too. This deep seated guilt at inactivity is an absolute curse.
1-1.30 pm
Having done whatever activity I persuaded myself was apt, I invariably concentrate at this point on needing some sustenance in order to keep going! Lunch? This sometimes turns into a couple of biscuits which I know are not the best - but it’s just after christmas and we have a couple of bumper packs of shortbread that wont eat themselves……
1.30 -
late afternoon During this period I start panicking about what we’re going to have for supper (dinner? Tea? Choose whichever word for an evening meal you prefer). SO I sometimes have to whizz to the shops for comestibles…….
Late afternoon-
I look outside and consider the weather. Mini needs a second walk ( She is a spaniel. She is young. She is hyperactive - on the other hand - I am human. I am old. I am lazy - these statements need to be considered carefully and holistically). So we set off somewhere different for a human walked by a dog.
Early evening -
trying hard not to dwell on the fact that I might not have achieved a great deal today - I set to preparing the evening meal. Peter comes home, usually around 6.30-7 pm and, after greeting Mini enthusiastically (lots of tummy rubs) tells me about his journey (we have to go through this. It is the law). He will also tell me how long it took him to finish the deadly killer sudoku when he stopped in the coffee shop for a break (sometimes i wonder if he goes to work just to visit his chosen coffee emporiums and tackle the mathematical puzzles in the Times) and he will also mention the traffic……..again.
After dinner (tea, supper - take your pick)
Peter usually tells me that the food was “surprisingly nice” and we both laugh…… this has become a habit. We are in grave danger of becoming those two old folk who only communicate to one another in habitual platitudes………. Rescue me now. We then have a discussion about how tired he is and how he needs to go and chillax on the sofa.
Somehow, between us (interest choice of pronoun there, Madeleine), the supper stuff gets tidied away and the dishwasher goes on.
Evening -
we have discussion about what to watch on the TV. I have a very eclectic choice of favoured programmes. Peter not so.
Choosing something that both of us will enjoy is tricky. I love all the competitive creative stuff - Sewing Bee, Pottery throwdown, anything beginning with ‘Great British’ - ……GB Menu is back on - hurrah! I also love thrilling crime dramas (which take me out of myself) - but Peter doesn’t. He finds them depressing. He tends to favour weird engineering programmes, or railway journeys presented by elderly men…….
We muddle along somehow - (sigh) I do my knitting - we both try hard to stay awake - fail miserably….and then one or the other of us will climb the stairs to Bedfordshire …..
And that’s it! The life of the Oldies!!!! I cannot quite believe that I’ve written this episode of my thrilling blog in quite so many words - describing positively nothing!
However - every now and then - my life of exciting tedium is interrupted by trips away, days out, or scheduled excitements - and I have one of those planned - ……….
My birthday - as mentioned earlier - is at the start of April (not the 1st - that would have been too perfect for words) and I have committed to doing something WILD and THRILLING. I have signed up to do a Charity Wing Walk. I am going to be 68, and I am going to be strapped to a biplane at an areodrome (lovely word) in the Cotswolds - and I am going to be FLYING HIGH! The money raised is going to BigMoose - a charity set up by an old, and very dear friend, Jeff Smith - please read his blog - should be a link here - https://www.bigmoosecoffeecompany.co/about-us - and any excess over the £1200 mark that I have promised will go to the Royal Marsden.
I am very excited about this - and I really hope that I can get as many people as possible to sponsor me. Rupert wanted to come and wing walk with me - which would have been fab (and slightly asymmetric) but he is above the weight restriction sadly…… (I might be too if i keep eating the shortbread biscuits)
So - here’s the link! I’ll be posting it regularly on my socials (get me…..)
Please dig deep - BigMoose are doing spectacular stuff - and we all know about the Royal Marsden too! (Although I started off this blog today not planning to mention the C word at all - just let it be known that all is good with me right now - hence the boring boring status of this blog)
Love to all - from the Mad Old Lady who lives a lovely boring life!
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