Migration no 4 (also November 2018) Communication .........MADELEINE - What's in a name?

POSTED TOO SOON - MADELEINE - what’s in a name?

I couldn’t quite work out how to post Sid’s cartoon, and then write afterwards - so here’s my second blog of the day, which follows on from the first!

Anyone who’s known me since before my midwife days, will know me as MANDY. My parents gave me such a pretty name, Madeleine, and then my dad thought it was too grand, too old, too posh, too proper... all of those things, for a little girl, and shortened it to Mandy (all my life people have called me Amanda, which has driven me crazy)... when I stopped teaching (that’s a whole ‘nother blog right there..... another day)...and I started my midwifery training, I was known as Madeleine, and it just got shortened to Maddy - which I like - often abbreviated to Mad - which makes me laugh -or Mads or Madz - which I also like....so these days I answer to anything, but it can lead to confusion!

So back to the topic in hand - COMMUNICATION - I was reflecting upon pictures.... Sid’s cartoon - (I await further artistic efforts peeps). And then this leads me nicely to :

TABLES (also pictures, or pictograms) and here’s the thing....I’ve already said I’m going to use the term Cancer to describe my condition, but, imagine my surprise when I logged on to E rostering to endeavour to input my October mileage figures..... (this is a new thing... no more writing down all the postcodes we visit on a daily basis at work - we now have to digitally input them, and then the computer tells us how far we have driven..... although the computer LIES (c word) because it doesn’t know about the road works, accidents, malfunctioning traffic lights, errands etc etc etc that befall a humble community midwife, who uses her own car to go to work)..... SO there I was - opening up my `EMPLOYEE ONLINE app so that I could look at the expenses claim facility and this is what I saw:

WEEK 44

Cancer

Cancer

Cancer

Cancer

and so on.....spreading off into the distance! Is this right I thought to myself? No. It’s not. That really is the C WORD in capital letters. Whoever designed this software package clearly has not one ounce (or gram if we’re European) of sensitivity.....

I can take it. I can see the funny side. (Alison T. aka Peanut Butter Alison and I laughed about it - what’s Maddy doing next Tuesday? Oh yes.... Cancer next Tuesday....)

But there are a whole heap of other people who are going to be reeling from the shock of a cancer diagnosis, and are not feeling confident or happy, and are going to be devastated by this stupid, stupid, stupid, completely insensitive and unnecessarily blunt input of information..... because that’s what it is. INPUT OF INFORMATION.

Computers don’t have feelings. They are incapable of treading sensitively.

But someone who wrote that programme should.

And someone who input that data also should.

And there isn’t any reason why the word SICK should be enough to inform............

That’s the pictorial representation of the C word - and I’m not talking CANCER. 😳

COMMUNICATION

4.40 am (looking at the clock)

I’ve written this title in capital letters, mostly because I think it’s SO important! (And I am very excited because I have worked out how to give my separate blogs titles now...... it wasn’t tricky. Duh.)

Over the last couple of days since my appointment at the Marsden, I have reflected upon how we communicate with one another. I’ve found myself to be giving information ( to friends and family and colleagues ) in order to update them - and intitially I found it hard to find the right words to use, but then (after the first time I said it), i found using the term “since this cancer thing” to be the easiest. So many people have said to me “the c word” and I wonder if this makes it worse? I’ve always considered the C word to be, you know, the C word....I can’t say it - never could, hate it with a passion.... four letters, and rhymes with BLUNT, HUNT, SHUNT, PUNT....(can’t think of any more rhyming words at this precise moment in time.....04.44 am). That’s the C word - so when people tell me not to be defined by the C word - well. I DON’T WANT TO BE! I’m not one of those!

Cancer. It’s a disease. It’s horrid. I know that. We all know that. It’s whispered behind hands when we tell one another about its next victim. That’s one of the reasons why I decided to let everyone know on social media about it happening to me. I wanted to make sure that everyone knew, because one of the things I’ve always found difficult, is how to talk to someone (when they haven’t told you themselves). If you address the subject to the individual concerned, you’ve obviously been gossiping about them, behind their back....it’s what we do...we communicate.....we share information...we actually CARE. But we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, because we know they’re probably hurting way too much already. I wanted to make it easier for everyone - well, in truth, I wanted to make it easier for ME! I loved going to the Marsden, because as I’ve already said, cancer is the norm there..... no whispering, no eyes sliding away, no pussyfooting, no beating around the bush. CANCER.

Because I’m off work (still feel guilty about this), I’m bumping into lots of people around Addiscombe that I don’t normally see so frequently and (is my wont) I’m having lots of conversations (more time to interact) instead of charging around and rushing off to work.

I have lived here in this house for 27 years almost, and know lots of locals obviously....seen lots of folk come and go....and have been a busy bee in the local community - the boys all went to the local primary school, and uniformed organisations, sports clubs etc and I was on the various parent committees for all of them - so i do know loads of people - from the local postie, to the shopkeepers, to the man who cleans the pavements, and even to delivery drivers and so on and so on...... I find myself singing out hellos left, right and centre.... and what do we say?

“Morning! Lovely day! How are you?”

to which the response tends to be

“Great! How are you?”....... and we often don’t stop to listen to the reply......

Rest assured, I’m not telling literally EVERYONE about my cancer. I don’t want to make anyone feel awkward. But I have found myself having a wry smile as I wander off down the road, and thinking... “but I’m NOT fine! Am I?”

Actually... I am fine. I really am. I feel completely normal. I’m very lucky that I was diagnosed before the disease made me feel ill. I didn’t get any of the scary symptoms (losing weight????? SADLY NOT!). I’ve just laughed with Peter because he commented how nice it was that one of our old friends had sent him a text asking him if HE was ok.... (thanks Susie P). He doesn’t know - well he didn’t until I just told him..... that LOADS of people have asked him if he’s ok, and are the boys ok? Yes. We’re all ok. Thanks everyone. I haven’t particularly told him that loads of people have asked him if he’s ok, because if I do.....he’ll start to get worried - and we don’t need that. We’ve had the conversation about cooking the Christmas dinner. (2 years ago when I severed the tendons in my thumb, in November, his immediate response was “BUT WHO’S GOING TO COOK THE CHRISTMAS DINNER?”) This year, it’s become a bit of a joke...... “this won’t affect the cooking of the Christmas dinner will it?” Hopefully not darling...... hopefully not.

So....I’m ruminating about how we talk to one another. And this lead me to discuss other forms of communication....

PICTURES? Yup. Already asked if any of my talented creative, art friends could come up with cartoon ideas. Thanks Sid. You were first - love it.