Dignity Pants

 Today was the day of my scheduled colonoscopy. I am amazed at how many of my friends have told me that they’ve undergone this procedure! Young and old alike..... I had one 15 years ago, and could remember the horrors of the bowel prep, which then I was instructed to take for the 48 hours prior to the procedure. 

This time, I was told to drink 2 litres of Moviprep at 5 pm and at 8 pm, the evening before, having had nothing to eat since breakfast at 9 am. As well as this, I was encouraged to drink at least 500mls of clear fluid as well as the laxative. I couldn’t manage the full second litre, by that time, the novelty of lemon  sherbert flavouring and aspartame had worn off, and each sip was making me retch and gag........ and of course, every time I gagged or coughed or retched, there was a reflex response at the opposite end of the torso............ (poo emoji should be inserted here)

Nothing happened really until around 10.30 pm - but after that, I had the most awful night. My stomach sounded like the washing machine on a mixed load........ and I really hurt.... awful abdominal cramping, on an epic scale. Struggled to get comfortable, and was on and off the loo (lost count after 20) times with horrible watery poo (insert another poo emoji) 

Every time, I thought it had finished, and I went back to lie down (I KNOW I WAS TOLD NOT TO GO TO BED UNTIL AFTER I HAD FINISHED ON THE TOILET), I would have the need to go again. Thank God for an en-suite bathroom! (And thank God for a washing machine - as I needed to wash out one white bed sheet, and three pairs of pyjama bottoms once the sun had come up). I also had to clamber downstairs during the night for further supplies of loo roll (grateful for my Who Gives a Crap delivery)

I felt pretty weak and washed out, and my lovely colleague Susan had offered to run me up to the BUPA Cromwell for the appointment, but I realised that it would take a ridiculously long time in the car, so I girded my loins and set off on public transport (paying again - outrageous) and left home in good time, catching a bus, a train and the underground to Earls Court, clenched buttocks with every change. It’s great that the Marsden are using the BUPA Cromwell, such a treat to have a private hospital to attend! Not only were the surroundings plush, but I was given a hospital gown, a white fluffy bathrobe......and ......... DIGNITY PANTS!


Nice.........I commented upon the Dignity Pants to my consultant, and he gaily told me that I could take a pair home with me! The wonders of private medical care!

The Prof tried to persuade me to try to have the scope without sedation, but I chickened out. Even after the fentanyl/midazolam cocktail, it was still sore. Anyway- it was done. Prof said he saw a mass and was successful in taking a few biopsies. SO now we wait for the tissue typing so that my team can make a plan. Having a plan at least tethers you to some sort of grounded action - rather than playing the waiting game.

Thank you to everyone who has messaged and sent good wishes..... I have used the poo emoji more than I care to count today. (💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩)💩

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